home / fan stuff / hyrulean jokes (you are here) Hyrulean Jokes More than 300 Zelda jokes! You know you've played too much Zelda when... By : JpTiger October 15, 2000 1.You are mortally afraid of fire, but like to jump into volcanoes if you happen to be wearing a red shirt. 2.You hit spiders with swords and are surprised when nothing appears to prove you killed them. 3.You have nightmares about an octopus spitting out rocks at you. 4.You walk into random people's houses, take whatever you want, and leave. 5.You try to find money by smashing pots, and expect other people not to mind. 6.Your idea of fun is to grab a chicken and, holding it above your head, jump off the top of a house or similar building. 7.You are quite surprised when you try the above and wake up in the hospital. 8.You can't swim, but don't mind jumping into water as long as you are wearing a blue shirt. 9. At the aquarium in front of the whale's enclosure, you dump out a fish from a bottle and try to hop into the whale's mouth. 10.You are startled to hear people who don't say the same thing over and over whenever you talk to them. 11. While on vacation, you catch yourself asking where you can get a good shield. 12. You never go into a field at night without a sword and shield. 13.You repeatedly attempt to converse with owls. 14. You hit boulders with the biggest hammer you can lay you hands on. 15. You expect everything to freeze when you take out an ocarina. 16. You have nightmares about large skeletons with swords. 17.You think you can train horses by playing a single song to them, preferably on the ocarina. 18.You try to pay for things with medium-sized green crystals. 19.You try to pull bushes out of the ground if you are wearing a bracelet. 20.You step on fern plants and wonder why they don't fly you around anywhere. 6 Zelda jokes by: TEXHB1 It is one day before Halloween. Finally, Halloween is here King Zora is dressed like Darunia and Darunia is just himself for Halloween. Q: which one is scarier? A: King Zora, because he actually was Darunia for Halloween! A: Darunia was not that scary around Halloween anymore, because Hylians were scared of him before Halloween! He was just himself. Q: Why was it Halloween October 1st? A: Because everyone had seen Darunia! Q: why did Link run away, when the Gorons tried to hug him, because he just defeated Dogondo's Cavern? A: Because Link decided that these Gorons are crazy! Why are they scaring me now it's not even Halloween yet! Q: What did the Beamos ask the Kees? A: Should we kill the intruder now or later? A female Goron just gave birth to twenty-five babies. Link: How many iliterate young beings do you have in your family, Mrs. Goron? Mother Goron: Twenty-six. Is my husband included? Link: No comment. . . Link had a visit from Big Brother goron and they were walking around in Kokiri Forest. Link showed him the pond areas. It was getting to be evening and the water started to turn yellow. Big Brother: These must be open portapoties. Mind if I take a piss for an hour please? Link: No, but can I ask you something? Big Bro: Sure. Link: How many gallons of "lemonade" can you make in one minute? Big Bro: One gallon per minute. Link: Uh . . . I'll be right back with some milk cartons from Lon Lon Ranch, while you pee. Big Bro: Whatever you say. Link: Wait no! Big Bro: What? Link: Don't pee here! This is our drinking water. You'll create a urine flood, if you pee here. Big Bro: Can I use your bathroom? Link: No. My house is too small. Use the Great Mido's House. He has a nice size toilet. Link waited for a scream. Mido: What are you doing?! Big Bro: You said you welcomed anyone to use your toilet. Mido: Well, not Kokiris your size or your looks. Big Bro: In that case, this house suits me. Mido kicked Big Brother out of the house. Big Bro: Man, I really have to pee. Can you take me somewhere? Link: Yes, I can. Big Bro: Where can you take me? Link: Just follow me. Big Bro: Ok. Link took him to the Kokiri shop. Owner of the Shop: Sorry son, we're closed. Our shop doesn't open in one hour! Link: Come on, I know a shortcut. Link decided to take him back to Goron City. Link: We're taking you home, then when you're done you can come back. . .next week. He didn't listen. The shortcut was into the Lost Woods. So as soon, as Big Brother got there, Link ran back home. Goron: Wait, Big Brother needs supervision. Link: Go do it, then. Goron: No, he needs a human. Link: Well, I am sick. I am going home now, bye. He's not urinating in our Forest. Big Brother pissed in Goron City all over the place. They all had to go to Dodongo's Cavern and lock themselves in and put up a sign that says if your'e very tall and big, do not enter!   300 Zelda Jokes by: 100%DUDE Okie, dokie, after few litres of sweat here it is... The Ultimate collection... with 300 jokes exactly, batteries free...make sure you bring an extra jawbone with you... well, just one thing... enjoy!!   1.) Saint Peter is at his usual duty near heaven's door. Suddenly mother nature calls him at urgent meeting, but Peter doesn't want to leave the door unwatched. So he is forced to call his friend Gabriel. "Please, buddy, can you watch the door for a moment, while I attend to... well..." "Sure, no problem!" answers Gabriel. Few minutes have passed and somebody knocks at the door. Gabriel opens and in front of the door is a small Goron. "Hello, I'm a Goron and I come from Hyrule..." says Goron, but only to disappear after he said the word 'Hyrule'... Gebriel, feeling sligtly irritated, closes the door. Same thing happens again for 5 times, before Peter returns. Gabriel complains: "Hey, what's all this business about? There's this Goron that keeps coming and saying 'Hello, I'm a Goron and I come from Hyrule...' only to disappear a few moments later. Am I doing something wrong?" "Nah, everything's OK. That Goron you're talking about has just been revived in the hospital...' explains Peter. 2.) Farore, the goddess, decided to pay a visit to her latest creation, land of Hyrule. When Farore came to her destination, she saw that Hyrule looked kinda sad, so Farore inquired: "Hyrule? Is everything OK?" Hyrule: "No. I just got 'elfos sapiens'..." Farore: "Oh, that's nothing to worry about. It'll go away all by itself in no time...' 3.) Q: What can happen if a Goron shoots in the air with a Fairy Slingshot? A: That he misses... 4.) Ganondorf went to see a shrink. Ganondorf: "Doc, nobody *sniff* likes me!" Doc: "Do you perhaps know what could be the cause of that?" Ganondorf: "That's what YOU are supposed to find out, you idiot!" 5.) Two famous Goron doctors have met at Hyrule cemetery. Says the first doctor to another: "Hello there. Also at stock-taking...?" 6.) Link has been ill. He caught a cold. When he went to see the doctor, he got some pills and was told to come again in 10 days. When those 10 days passed, he went to see the doc again. Doctor was very pleased with Link's progress: "Very good. Your coughing hears much better now..." "Of course! I've been practicing for 10 days now..." 7.) Zelda and Malon have been happily married. Zelda had a daughter, born on 29th February. On the same day also Malon's son was born. One day Zelda and Malon decided to go for a walk, together with their kids, who were 9 months old at that time. Among the usual chit-chat Malon suddenly interrupted: "I'm so happy. My pumpkin spoke his first word today!" Zelda's daughter stopped, looked at Malon's son and finally said: "Oh yeah? What you don't tell... So, what did he say?" 8.) Ganondorf payed a visit to his doctor and complained: "Doc! Help me! Every morning at 7am I'm forced to do... uh-oh, how can I say it... well, nature calls very badly! EACH DAY! Please, doc, there's gotta be something to help me!" Doc is surprised: "But that's completely normal! I don't see a prob..." "Well, yeah, but I get up at 7.30 am..." 9.) Link and Zelda were born and a stork is taking them to their destination. Link is curious: "Hey you! Were you also born?" Zelda retorts: "As if! What do you think I am here for? Stewardess?' 10.) Hyrule Naval Forces (HNF) is currently enlisting non-swimmers, Gorons are especially wanted. Why? Well, in case the ship is attacked in any way, the crew will be forced to defend it as long as it takes... 11.) Zelda is talking to Impa: "You know, I broke up with Link 2 weeks ago, and guess what? He's been drunk ever since!" Impa: "What? He's been partying so long...?' 12.) Darunia was driving his BMW along the Hyrule road, when he suddenly saw a nun in a distance, holding up a thumb. Naturally he pulled over and let the nun enter his car. He inquired: "Where to?" "To Hyrule Market, please. Oh and thank you very much. It's really nice to see such a good people nowadays." "Hey, no problem. Batman's friends are also my friends!" 13.) Ganondorf accidentally fell in Lake Hylia and since he didn't know how to swim, he tried frantically to keep him above water level, but to no avail. So he finally had to call: "Hilfe! Hilfe! Hilfe!" Darunia came by, stopped, wachted for a while and then said: "You are so stupid, Ganondorf. Instead of learning German you should learn how to swim, you idiot!" 14.) Q: What are Goron's two most frequent answers? A1: I don't know. A2: Ha ha ha... 15.) Q: What happened to a Goron, that's been blind last 5 years? A: One morning he simply forgot to open his eyes. 16.) Q: Why did a Goron bury his ID? A: Cos it 'passed away'. 17.) Q: Why did a Goron turn unconscious? A: Cos he forgot how to breathe. 18.) Q: Why is Zelda 100% sure that she has a twin sister? A: Cos she doesn't understand it is her who she sees in the mirror. 19.) Q: How many Gorons do we need to make a smart Goron? A: None. It is not possible. 20.) Q: How do you drown a Goron? A: You forgot to tell him to swallow. 21.) Q: Why does Zelda refuse to sit near airplane's windows? A1: Cos she just painted her hair. A2: Cos she just returned from hair-dresser with a permanent hair-do. 22.) Q: Why Zelda suddenly wants to sit near airplane's windows? A: Cos she now uses three-weather Taft. 23.) Q: Why did Link and Zelda freeze in drive-in movie? A: Cos they went to see a film titled 'Closed during winter!'. 24.) Policeman stops Zelda, while she was driving her car in wrong direction in one-way alley. He inquires: "Good morning, lady. Do you kow what's going on?" "Nope. But whatever it is, it sucks, cos everyone is leaving..." 25.) El presidente, a bishop, a camp-boy and smertest Goron are traveling in a plane. Suddenly plane comes across terrible storm and soon both plane's motors are hit and 'knocked out cold'. Pilot storms out of the cabin: "Houston, we have a problem... err, I mean... we're in deep trouble. We have 5 people here, but only 4 parachutes..." but quickly adds, "and I don't mean to be rude, but I wanna live..." With that words he takes one of the parachutes and jumps. El presidente is quick: "I'm a father of a nation. I cannot die!" 2 parachutes left. Next to react is Goron: "I'm the only smart Goron in the world of Hyrule. I cannot die!" 1 parachute left. Bishop turns calmly to camp-boy and says: "Go ahead, sonny. Take the last parachute and jump. I'm prepared..." "Don't worry, gramps. We still have 2 parachutes left." "???" "Well, Goron accidentally took my backpack..." 26.) Zelda was right in the middle of telling a joke about Gorons to a Goron, when he interrupts her: "Hey, do you know who I am?" "No." "I'm a Goron." "Oh, I'm so sorry. Do you want me to repeat the joke or to tell it slower?" 27.) Q: How do we call a Goron with 1/2 of brains? A: Gifted. 28.) Q: What is a single brain-cell doing in Goron's head? A: It's lonely. 29.) Q: Why aren't Gorons allowed to take coffee-breaks? A: Cos it then takes too long to make them work again. 30.) Q: What does Goron's left foot say to Goron's right foot? A: Nothing, cos they never meet. 31.) Q: How do you call a phenomena when Goron remembers his name? A: AI - Artificial Intelligence. 32.) Q: How do you force Goron's eyes to shine? A: You thrust a battery-light in one of his ears. 33.) Q: Why is Zelda after a man with GSM? A: Cos that man doesn't know how to spell word 'telephone'. 34.) Q: Why is Zelda driving BMW's and VW's only? A1: Cos she knows how to spell each of that brands' names. A2: Cos she doesn't know how to spell any other brands' names. 35.) Q: How do you call a phenomena when 50 Gorons stand is a straight line with their ears touching? A: Windy tunnel. 36.) Santa Clause, smart Goron and stupid Goron are walking down the street when they see a 500-rupee bill. Who will collect the money? A1: Stupid Goron, of course. The first two are fictitious characters. A2: Nobody. Santa and smartpants are fictitious characters, while stupid Goron will ask himself: "What on Hyrule? Somebody has been littering again!" 37.) Q: What do you do in case Goron throws you a bomb? A: Pull bomb's cork out and throw the bomb back. 38.) Q: What is a difference between smart Goron and Triforce? A: Triforce is said to be seen... Note: In case you have trouble with understanding this joke, here is an explanation: smartpants and Triforce are both *fictitious* characters, but nobody has ever seen smart Goron, while some Hyrulians claim to have seen the Triforce... 39.) Q: If you were to throw a Goron and a Gerudo from top of Desert Colossus, which would be the first to come down? A1: Gerudo. Goron would stop in middle of the way to ask for directions. A2: Gerudo. Goron would get lost on a way. A3: Gerudo. Goron's head is full of air, which makes him lighter. 40.) Q: What do a Goron and a bottle of beer have in common? A: They're both empty from their necks up. 41.) Q: How does Goron's hymn go? A: "We are the Gorons, we are the Gorons, we are the g.o.r..., oh yeah, we are the Gorons..." 42.) Q: Why does Zelda change baby's diaper after 1 month? A: Cos there's an inscription on that diapers: 'Suitable for up to 10kg!' 43.) Q: Why was Zelda happy, when she finished a jigsaw that took her 1 year to complete? A: Cos there's an inscription on that jigsaw: 'For 2 - 4 years.' 44.) Q: How does a Goron kill a bird? A: By throwing it into a deep canyon. 45.) Q: How does a Goron kill a fish? A: By drowning it. 46.) Q: How does a Goron kill a mole? A: By burying it alive. 47.) Q: How do you occupy a Goron over the weekend? A: You tell him to count to 100. 48.) Q: How do you force a Goron to laugh on Monday morning? A: You tell him a joke on Friday evening. 49.) Q: How do you do force Darunia to go insane? A: You give him a bag of M&M's and tell him to sort them by alphabetical order. 50.) Q: Why did Darunia get fired from M&M's factory? A: Cos he kept 'eliminating' W-s. 51.) Q: If you ask a Goron to check directional lights on your car to see if they are working properly, what is his answer? A: "Working, not working, working, not working..." 52.) Q: Why did Darunia crash his new car 50 meters after the first road curve? A: To turn directional lights off. 53.) Q: In front of the crossroads there is a thing that keeps driving off, stopping, driving off, stopping, driving off, stopping... What's this? A: Darunia in his attempt to drive through the crossroads while there is a blinking yellow light on the nearby semaphore. 54.) Q: How do you call a Goron on high-school? A: Visitor. 55.) Q: Why does Darunia fail in changing light-bulb every time when he tries that? A: Cos he crushes the light bulb with a hammer. 56.) Four Gorons are trying to change a light-bulb. In the long run one of them decides to call the informations line. "Hello. Please help us. We are 4 Gorons trying to change a light-bulb." "No problem. That's what I am here for. Did you put in new light-bulb?" "Yes." "Electricity is on?" "Yes." "Safety fuses are on?" "Yes." "Light-switch is on?" "Yes." "And still no light? That's weird..." "No no, of course there is light!" "But what is wrong then???" "Well, ummm, while we were climbing the ladder, we fell and got injured..." 57.) Two Gorons are trying to get inside parked cabriolet. Says the first one: "I can't manage to open the dang doors!" "Hurry up! It's going to rain soon and we have the car's roof down!!!" adds second one. 58.) Link, Zelda and a Goron were shipwrecked, but they managed to save themselves on a lone island. They take careful look at sea surrounding the island and spot Land of Hyrule 25 miles in the distance. Link is first to be brave enough to try to cross 25 miles distance by swimming. Unfortunately he gets exhausted after 10 miles and drowns. Zelda manages to cross 15 miles only to meet the same fate. Goron manages 5, 10, 15, 20, 24 miles, gets tired and says: "Dang, I'm too tired, the best thing to do is to return..." 59.) Two Gorons are driving along the country road when they see third Goron in a nearby corn field standing in a boat. Says first Goron to second Goron: "You know, it's these Gorons that make me mad. It's these Gorons that make the whole Goron rase look bad. No wonder people make fun of us!" The second replies: "If I was able to swim, I'd go there and drown him instantly." 60.) Q: Why is it in the best interest to force the Goron's to work 24/7? (that means 24 hours a day, 7 days a week) A: It's really hard to force them to work again after any sort of breaks (be it for coffee, snacks, whatever). 61.) Q: How do you make a Goron confused? A: You can't, he was already born that way. 62.) Q: You get a fax message. How do you know it is from a Goron? A: There's a stamp on fax message. 63.) Q: Why do Gorons like to see flashes of lightning during a storm? A: They believe that somebody is taking pictures of them. 64.) Q: Why is Darunia's face covered with small 'holes'? A: Cos he eats with a fork. 65.) Q: Why does Zelda refuse to call number '911' whenever she's in danger? A1: Cos she can't find a button with number '911' on her phone. A2: Cos she can't memorize that number. 66.) Q: Why did Darunia tip-toed his way into a local pharmacy? A: Cos he didn't want to wake up sleeping-pills. 67.) Q: When did Darunia experience longest five years of his whole life? A: In first class of middle-school. 68.) Q: Why do pharmacies refuse to employ any Gorons? A: In the past Gorons kept crushing bottles with pills, whenever they tried to stuck the bottles into a typewriter (to type the way of usage). 69.) Ganondorf and a pig are walking along a country road. Nearby farmer inquires: "Hey, where did you get that one?" "I won the jackpot!" answers the pig. 70.) Q: This thing is long over 100 meters and has an IQ of 50. What is this? A: A straight line of over 100 Gorons (200 recommended). 71.) Q: What can hit a Goron without him knowing it? A: A thought. 72.) Q: Why is a Goron incapable of writing the number '222'? A: Cos he can't decide which '2' to write first. 73.) A Goron and a Gerudo decided to go parachuting. On 10000 meters they both jump from a plane, each eqipped with main and auxiliary parachute. At 5000 meters Gerudo decides to open her main parachute, but it fails. Frantically she tries to open auxiliary parachute, but that also fails. Goron is close behind her and shouts: "A-ha! So you want to compete? You're on! First one to the ground wins!" 74.) Q: Where do Gorons go on family meetings? A: On a vegetable garden... 75.) Q: Why is a Goron covering his ears with his hands? A: He tries to prevent a thought from escaping. 76.) Q: A Goron sits near airplane's window. You sit near that Goron, but you would like to sit in Goron's seat. What are you going to say? A: "Sir, the seat I'm sitting on, is flying to Hollywood." 77.) Q: How do you occupy a Goron? A1: Tell him to sit in a corner in a round room. A2: That question will be answered tomorrow (but until then keep staring in this line). 78.) Q: Why does Darunia refuse to eat bananas? A: Cos he can't find the zipper. 79.) Q: Darunia got a pet animal zebra. How did he name it? A: Spots. 80.) Q: There is a 10-years old Goron skeleton found in Link's wardrobe. How do you call this skeleton? A: Former champion in hide&seek. 81.) Q: Why are Goron's brains in the morning as big as a nut? A: They got swollen over night. 82.) Q: Why did a Goron climb a glass wall? A: To see what's on the other side. 83.) Q: A one-armed Goron is hanging from a tree. What will you do to make him fall? A: Wave to him. 84.) Q: What gadget will you use to measure Goron's IQ factor? A: Air-pressure measurer for pneumatic tyres. 85.) Q: What will you do, if a Goron throws you a bomb's cork? A: Run away, for he holds an activated bomb in his hands. 86.) Q: Why are Darunia's lips covered with a plaster? A: Cos he wanted to blow out a light-bulb. 87.) Q: Why did Darunia put his finger on top of a nail before hammering the nail into the wood? A: Cos the sound of hammer hitting on nails made Darunia to have a headache. 88.) Q: Why aren't there any Goron lift-boys? A: They never know in which direction does the lift move. 89.) Q: What do a smart Goron and the Triforce have in common? A: We keep hearing about them... yet we never see any proof of their existence. 90.) Q: What happens, if you perform a lobotomy on a Goron? A: Goron's IQ factor increases dramatically. Note: What is lobotomy? It is an operation involving cutting into the brain tissue to treat severe mental disorders. 91.) Q: Why is Zelda unable to cook tea or coffee? And why doesn't she know how to make some ice cubes for drinks? A: Cos she constantly forgets the recipe. 92.) Q: Why does Zelda have ice cubes in the fridge? A: To keep the fridge cold. 93.) Q: Why did Zelda close her eyes, while she was watching herself in the mirror? A: She wanted to see how does she look like while she's sleeping. 94.) Q: Why did a Goron die while drinking Lon-Lon Milk? A: Cow fell on top of him. 95.) A Goron comes to a local pizzeria and orders his favorite pizza 'Goronis stupiditis'. He is served 30 minutes later. Waiter inquires: "Would you like your pizza cut to 4 or 8 pieces?" Goron thinks for a while and replies: "To 4 please. I could never eat 8 pieces." 96.) Darunia won 1000000 rupees at Hyrule Lottery. Since he was known to be swimming a lot, they asked him what is he going to do with all this money. He said: "I'm going to build 3 swimming pools. One will contain cold water, one will contain hot water and last one will be empty." "Empty? Why?" "Well, some of my friends don't know how to swim." 97.) Two Gorons spotted railroad-tracks in the middle of Hyrule field. Says the first one: "Listen, this gotta be tiger's tracks!" "Nah, you're wrong. These are lion's tracks." They were still arguing when train went over them... 98.) Darunia asks one of his subjects: "Hey you, what time is it?" "3 am, sir." Darunia is confused: "Hmm, I asked for time over 50X now and I keep getting a different answer..." 99.) Q: What did Darunia write on a postcard from his holidays? A: 'Hello. I'm having great time. Where am I?' 100.) Q: How do you occupy a stupid Goron? A: If you really wanna know, check joke 200, please. 101.) Q: Why did Darunia make more than 50 circles in his car around his apartment? A: His directional lights got 'stuck'. 102.) Q: How do Gorons count to ten? A: One, two, three, four, and one more, and one more... 103.) Q: Why did a Goron photographer ask Link to bring him as much burned light-bulbs as Link could find? A: Cos he needed those bulbs to make a darkroom. 104.) Q: There's a lot of motorcycles parked in front of local pub. How do you know which one is Darunia's? A: Darunia's motor has 2 auxiliary wheels mounted (1 wheel per side) to help him keep balance. 105.) Two Gorons decided to go to Lake Hylia for a swim. Soon after they stepped into the water, one of them yelled: "Awww. A crab pinched my finger!" "Which one?" asked other one. "How should I know? Every crab looks the same to me!" 106.) Darunia went to Paris' Louvre. While viewing the pictures, he stopped in front of a white plate with a black button in the middle of the plate. He immediately calls one of Louvre's employees: "This daring and provocative artwork suits me. I'll buy it, price is of no importance!" "But sir...!" "Who's the author?" "It has no author." "And how would you name this artwork profesionally?" "I'd call it 'Light-switch'," sarcastically says the employee. 107.) Q: Why does Zelda like to eat hand-watches? A: Cos she heard that Tic-Tac only has two callories. 108.) Two Gorons are discussing literature. Says the first one: "Hey, did you ever read Shakespeare?! "No. Who wrote it?" 109.) "I think, therefore I am," says Darunia. And disappears immediately. 110.) Link and Zelda were hired as two extras for a movie about the Imprisoning War. One day they were supposed to take a scene on one of Lake Hylia's bridges. Their job was carrying one of the Gorons, 'injured' in one of the war scenes, to a nearby hospital. But as you know, Gorons are heavy, so Link asked Zelda: "Is director able to see us?" She looks around: "Nope, I don't think so." Link grins: "Throw!" 111.) Link is digging a hole. Zelda is curious: "Link, why are you digging a hole?" "I need a picture for personal ID." "But why such a deep hole?" "Only my head must be on that picture." "I see. But why two holes?" "Cos I need two pictures!!" 112.) Q: Why does Link keep a knife on top of his TV? A: To make picture look sharper. 113.) Q: Why does Link keep a pick-axe nearby? A: For arrangements of channels. 114.) Q: Why does Link keep a pair of springs nearby? A: To make movie more stretched. 115.) Link has been fishing on Zora's River. He caught a gold-fish that siad: "Let me go and I'll grant ye 3 wishes." Link: "Lemme see. Ok, for starters I want 1 liter of beer." Fish: "Granted." Link: "I want whole Zora's River to be beer!" Fish: "Granted." Link thought deeply what his third wish could be and finally said: "Ah, to Hyrule with it... Give me one more liter of beer..." 116.) Q: Why does Link keep a knife in his fridge? A: To have a cold weapon. 117.) Q: Why is Zelda staring in her fridge? A: On the yoghurt there is word 'concentrate'. 118.) Q: Why does Zelda keep running in her bathroom? A: On her hair shampoo dispenser these words are written 'Wash&Go'. 119.) Link went to the mall. There he got immediately 'jumped' by a suitcase seller: "Please, sir, buy a suitcase. It's nice, lightweight and above all, inexpensive!" Link: "Now what am I to do with it?" Seller: "For instance, when you are to travel somewhere, you can put all your clothes inside!" Link: "What?! Am I supposed to travel around naked?" 120.) Zelda is enraged: "Link, you aren't home when you're supposed to be!! It's 5 in the morning!! Is this the time to come home??" Link: "So what? It would be 5 am no matter if I would be home or not..." 121.) Link is trying to hammer a nail in the wall in middle of a night, but he swings his hammer so badly that it rebounds from the wall and flies through open window. "Zelda, bring me that hammer." "I'm scared." "Bring me the hammer, I said!" "I'M SCARED." "Women... harumph... ok, I'll go fetch it myself... first thing in the morning..." 122.) Q: Why is Link washing himself every evening before he goes to bed? A: If he washes himself in the evening, he doesn't have to do that in the morning. Cos of same reason he also has breakfast in the evening, so that he can sleep longer in the morning. 123.) Link and Zelda went to drive-in movie to see '7even'. Together they were trying to find out who the murderer is. Zelda is sure: "I'm positive that Tom Cruise did it!" "Nooo! He doesn't even star in this movie..." "Smart person! He's thought up one heck of an alibi." 124.) Q: Darunia crosses a bridge, which causes a destruction of the very same bridge. Why? A: Smarter 'person' gives up first... 125.) Zelda bought a new shiny Mercedes. She invited Link to a probation drive. Link was curious, what was the meaning of that sign in front (a circle with a star). Zelda joked: "This? This is used for aiming, when I try to hit pedestrians." And they went for a drive. They were driving until Link chuckled cos he saw Darunia walking along the road in the distance. Zelda had some trouble in preventing her car to hit Darunia, but Link suddenly opened co-driver's door and hit Darunia. Zelda was scared: "Oh no! What have you done?!" "Calm down. I merely helped you out. If I didn't open that door, you'd miss Darunia." 126.) Q: Why did women stop chasing Link? A: Cos he stopped stealing women's purses. 127.) Darunia is walking along the road with his pet donkey on a leash. Link pulls over in his car and inquires: "Where are you going with this monkey?" Darunia: "Are you stupid? This is a donkey!" Link: "You shut up... I was asking the donkey!" 128.) Link and Zelda each got an apartment in new apartment complex. Link's apartment was located above Zelda's. One morning Zelda tried to pull down window shades, but to no avail. Angry she went up and knocked on Link's door. "Yeah?" asked Link. "I want you to return my window shades!" fumed Zelda. "No can do. First you return to me 1 kilo of apples I tried to wash yesterday in water closet..." 129.) Zelda keeps calling a waiter to bring her one more piece of sugar for her coffee. Finally waiter has enough: "Lady, I already brought you 10 pieces!!" Zelda says: "True, true, but they all sank..." 130.) Link and Zelda were playing customers and sellers. Link: "Good morning. I'd like 2 litres of bread, please." Zelda: "Bozo. Where d'ya see that bread is measured in litres?!" They then switch roles. Zelda: "Good morning. I'd like 2 kilos of bread, please." Link: "No can do. Pay the caution-money for bottles first, please." 131.) Ganondorf is flying in an airplane for the first time in his life. But he has problems with strong rustling in his ears. A friendly stewardess offers him a bubble gum with these words: "This is very useful against rustling in ears." When the plane lands, Ganondorf says to stewardess: "You lady, that you think you're smart, just how am I supposed to get bubble gum out of my ears, huh?" 132.) Zelda was interested if Link would know who Alexander the Great was... and this was the answer she got from Link: "Of course I know, but I won't tell you. You just read Iliad and Odyssey..." 133.) Link: "Darunia, I heard that your father died..." Darunia: "True." "My condolence." "Yea right! He did that so he wouldn't have to go fishing with me..." 134.) Link: "Zelda, what time is it?" Zelda: "Ten minutes past ten." "Stop teasing me! Why can't you just say twenty??" 135.) Ganondorf came to local restaurant and wanted to have a wild boar for dinner. Waiter said: "I'm sorry, sir, we're all out of wild boars. But we do have an ordinary one. I'll tell the chef to drive it nuts..." 136.) Link: "Zelda, what is your favorite animal?" Zelda: "An elevator." "???" "Yeah! It comes whenever I call it." 137.) Link is talking to one of his friends: "Oh no, Zelda has a terrible disease, plus she moans and whines day and night." "And what are you going to do about it?" "I'll stick cotton-wool in my ears!" 138.) Link and Zelda were breaking out of the prison. Just as in movies, they tied few sheets and threw them through open window. Zelda was first to descend, but she came back few seconds later: "No good. It's too short." So they tied two more sheets to their 'rope'. Zelda descended first again but again came back few seconds later: "Still no good. Now it's too long." 139.) Traveling salesman knocks on Zelda's door. Salesman says: "Good morning, lady. Would you be interested in sleeping bags?" Zelda: "No thanks. I'm already married to one..." 140.) Link was hospitalized. Zelda paid him a visit: "What in the world did you do to end up here?" Link: "Well, I stood up on my left foot..." "So? There's nothing bad with this." "Yeah, well... on left side of my bed there was an open window..." 141.) Gerudo: "Hey, Goron, if you are to be born again, what would you like to be?" Goron: "An ox!" "A-a-a. You can't be same thing twice!" 142.) Link was shipwrecked, but he saved himself miraculously few days later and came home. He told: "No food, no drink, no nothing... luckily I found a boat." Zelda: "So you then rowed your way back home?" "Nah, I destroyed the boat to make a float out of it..." 143.) Zelda had a birthday party. When the party ended, she wanted to wash the dishes, but Link interrupted: "Leave the darn dishes. You have a birthday today, which means you won't be doing any work today... you'll do the dishes tomorrow." 144.) Link is reading a newspaper: "Hey, Zelda! Did you know that every time I inhale and exhale, there's on Stalfos less in Hyrule? "Of course they die when you don't brush your teeth!" 145.) Link is explaining to Dark Link: "I fell in water and Zelda, bozo as she is, instead of saving me she threw me a piece of soap!" 146.) Link is showing off: 'Ha! I managed to starve for 100 days!" Zelda: "Yeah? How did you do that?" "By eating at nights only..." 147.) Zelda: "I had a tough time, but I finally managed Link to stop biting his fingernails." Malon: "You did? How? I'm having same problems with my husband." "Well, he started to wear Kokiri Boots..." 148.) Zelda: "Link, what's today's date?" Link: "I dunno." "Gimme a break. Look in the newspaper you're carrying and read its date!" "No can do." "???" "It is yesterday's newspaper..." 149.) Americans sent a rocket with three apes and Darunia into space. Central Command gave following instructions: "Ape 1: Check pressure, fuel and speed. Ape 2: Check temperature and atmospheric data. Ape 3: Check planetary positions. Darunia: Feed the apes and don't touch anything!" 150.) Darunia bought a new plane and was eager to take it to immediate test-flight. After 3 hours in the air he asked local airport for landing permission. He got it and started the landing procedure. As soon as he landed, he crashed his plane. He commented: "This landing strip is really short. But I must say it's really wide..."   151.) Zoras organized jumping-into-the-pool-competition with following competitors: Ganondorf, Link, Zelda and Darunia. They each had 3 tries to show their diving skills. Ganondorf was first. He jumped, but the jury wasn't too impressed, namely water splashed all around. Link was next. He did better than Ganondorf, but not that much. Zelda did almost perfect dive. Almost no splashes. Darunia was last. He jumped. Water surface remained calm. The same story repeated in second run. On start of third run the head of jury boomed through his microphone: "Competitor for Goron rase is asked to stop jumping onto the side of the pool!" 152.) Darunia is writing to his mother: "Dear mom! I am writing this letter very slowly, for I know you cannot read..." 153.) Link was in the theatre for the first time in his life. Zelda inquired about Link's impressions: "So? Did you like it?" Link: "Boring as Zora's River. Except for the end, when they were distributing the coats. I took five of them..." 154.) Ganondorf came to a local pub and ordered a beer. Waiter brought the ordered and placed it on a cork-saucer. After Ganondorf drank his beer, he orders again: "One more beer, please. But without that cookie. It's too stiff..." 155.) Link and Dark Link are looking for Zelda, who got lost in Lost woods. "Zeeeelda, Zeeeelda, whereeee are youuuu?" A Kokiri comes nearby and says: "Oh my, what barbarous behaivour. Why are you screaming?! I too lost my Malon, but instead of screaming her name I went to police headquarters and gave them Malon's description... 185 centimeters tall, long red hair, long legs..." Link grins: "To Hyrule with Zelda! C'mon, Dark Link, let's go look for Malon!" 156.) Link and Dark Link opened up a restaurant. They soon got their first customer, who asked them: "Sprechen sie Deutsch?" Dark Link and Link shrugged. "Parlez-vous Francais?" They shrugged again. "Govorite li mo*da hrvatski?" They shrugged again which caused the disappointed customer to leave. Dark Link commented: "Listen, don't you think it's a good idea that we learn some foreign languages?" Link: "Yeah right. Look at him. He knows so many languages, yet he remained hungry!" 157.) During the Imprisoning war Link got in trouble. He found himself trapped in a flood. Water level was up to his knees. Zelda in a boat paddled nearer: "Link! Jump in!" "No, I won't! Nayru will save me!" 'Fine with me,' thought Zelda and paddled further. She came back later only to see water level up to Link's chest: "Link! Jump in, I tell you!!" "No, I won't! Nayru will save me!" Zelda shrugged and paddled away. But worried as she was she returned for third time. This time water level was up to Link's throat: "Jump in! Jump in!" "I said I won't! Nayru will save me!" and with these words he drowned. When he came to heaven, he went to see Nayru and fumed: "Nayru! Why didn't you save me? I had so much faith in you!" "Idiot! I sent you that boat 3 times!!!" 158.) Link and Zelda are sitting on Lake Hylia's shore and throwing bricks into the lake. Link comments: "There's no logic in Hyrule." "Why would you think that?" "Well look at this... This brick is rectangular, yet when I throw it into the water, water surface forms circular patterns, so there!" 159.) Link met Zelda while she was dragging home a dead bear. He inquires: "Whoa! How did you kill it?" "Easy. I went to bear's lair, stood in front of it and screamed with all my power. When the bear came out to see what's going on, I smacked him with my bat." "Hmm, interesting. I'll try that too!" Few days later Zelda found out that Link is in hospital, so she went to see him. "Link, Link, what were you doing again?" "Well, I... I went to bear's lair, stood there and screamed, but no bear came out, so I decided to go see what's keeping it so long... and..." "And?" "Well, in that moment a train came out of the lair..." 160.) Link and Zelda are at local airport watching the airplanes taking off and landing. Zelda asks: "Link? How in Hyrule can a person hijack a plane, if they are so big?" "Zelda, Zelda... Person hijacks a plane, when it is really small which happens when the plane is high in the air..." 160.) Q: How was Kakariko Village named during the Imprisoning war? A: Lottery Village. Every house had a chance of hit. 161.) Zelda calls Link into Kakariko during the Imprisoning war: "Hello, Link! How are things there in Kakariko?" Link: "Da bomb, woman. Da bomb!!" 162.) FBI caught Link, Zelda and Darunia, locked them up and waited. Sooner or later the trio would be forced to tell everything they know due to starvation. Link held his ground two days and then spilled his beans. Zelda was successful five days before she gave up. Darunia on the other hand held 3 months, which made FBI wonder, what's going on. So they decide to open Darunia's cell. Inside the cell they found Darunia banging his head against the wall and screaming: "Remember, Darunia! Remember, for God's sake!" 163.) Zelda calls Link into Kakariko during the Imprisoning war: "Hello, Link! How are things there in Kakariko?" Link: "Hey, we have more lights than Las Vegas!" 164.) Link got a job at local gas station. One day Zelda came by in her new car. She said: "Full tank, please!" Link filled car's tank with gasoline and wanted to receive payment, when Zelda said: "Please, check my car's tyres, too." "One, two, three, four... yep, they're all here... 50 rupees, please." 165.) Link and Zelda met at Zora's River, but Link was at the right shore, while Zelda was on the left shore. Zelda said: "Come here." Link: "No, you come here. You know that I can't swim!" Zelda: "No problem. You just come here. The water level is only up to your shoulders!" Link listened and jumped into the water. Naturally he started to drown instantly, but thanks to Nayru he somehow managed to get across. Link fumed: "Liar! You said 'The water level is only up to your shoulders!'. Yeah right!" Zelda: "But look at the ducks! The water level is only up to their bellies!" 166.) Darunia is showing off before Hyrule Olympic Games: "If I break my leg, I'll get 200000 rupees. If I break my arm, I'll get 500000 rupees. And if I break my neck, I'll have enough money for my whole life." 167.) Gerudo, Zora and Goron were arguing, who's rase was the first with telephone technology. Unable to resolve anything with words, they decided to take action. Gerudo brought her team and told it to start digging at the spot she showed it. So Gerudo's team started to dig. After the hole was 100 meters deep, the team came across something made of iron. Gerudo was proud: "You see? We Gerudos had telephones and iron wires 100 years ago." Zora also called her team and showed it where to dig. After 200 meters the team came across something made of copper and Zora screams: "Ha! We Zoras had telephones and copper wires 200 years ago." Meanwhile Goron's team was also in the middle of digging, but unfortunately didn't come up with anything even when hole was 500 meters deep. "What now, boss? We can't find anything." Goron: "So? This only proves that we Gorons had celular phones 500 years ago!" 168.) Link was employed in a local factory as a supervisor. One day he was called to boss' office. Link asked: "What's up, boss?" "Listen, I just heard that you kicked one of your workers. Is that true?" "Boss! How can you even think that? You know that I didn't. But if he keeps telling that, I'll kick him again." 169.) Darunia went to zoo with his son, Darunia Jr. During their visit they stopped in front of gorilla's cage. Jr asked: "Dad, this monkey is bigger than you, isn't it?" Darunia: "Nonsense. I'm the biggest monkey there is!" 170.) Link and Dark Link were working on a construction site. During one day's break for a quick snack following conversation occured... Link: "Finally something delightful in the newspaper!" Dark Link: "Oh? What might that be?" Link: "Two sandwiches and an apple." 171.) Link in a mirror store: "Hi! I'd like to return the mirror I bought a week ago!" Store manager: "Did you breask it?" "No. The problem is that I can't see myself from my waist down in the mirror and cos of this I went to work trousers-less 5 times already!!" 172.) Teacher, full of rage, payed a visit to Darunia, who was known for his love towards sport. Teacher screamed: "Sir, your son threw a rock after me!!" Darunia calmly asked: "Did he hit you?" "No, but..." "Then it wasn't my son!" 173.) Link and Zelda were having breakfast, when Link said: "You know, this morning while I was shaving, I saw that big hole in middle of my had, when I looked into the mirror." "Oh my gosh! What did you do?" "I went to see a doc." "So what did he told you to do?" "To close my mouth." 174.) Zelda visited Link in his cottage in Kokiri Forest. Link complained: "My roof is leaking!" Zelda asked: "Well why don't you fix it?" "Are you nuts? It's raining heavily outside." "Then fix it when it stops raining, stupid." "Why? My roof is not leaking, if it isn't raining..." 175.) Link, Dark Link and Ganondorf entered the swearing contest. First one to attempt was Ganondorf: "%$#&%$#&!!!!##$%!" With these words he finished. Next was Dark Link. He lasted for 5 minutes before he ran out of options. And now it was Link's turn, but clumsy as he is, he tripped when climbing the stairs to the stage. He fell hard and started swearing. He sweared 5, 10, 30 minutes, before he finally decided to climb the stairs cautiously. "Sorry for what happened 30 minutes. Now we can really get started..." 176.) Link was talking to Zelda: "Nowadays you can't rely on anybody! I got this invitation to a party, where it clearly stated, that the entrance will be allowed 'with ties only'. But when I got there, I saw that all the other guests were also wearing clothes!!" 177.) Dark Link, Link and Ganondorf were sentenced to death. They only had a right to choose a way to die. If anything failed in the process, they would be set free. Dark Link chose to be hanged, but the rope tore itself apart and he was set free. Link chose to be beheaded, but the guillotine's blade stopped in middle of the fall, thus meaning Link was granted freedom. Ganondorf, seeing all this, said: "Shoot me! This is only thing that works!" 178.) Link and Dark Link were breaking into the safes for past 4 hours, but each safe they opened was empty. Finally Link got deciding revelation: "We're so stupid! It appears we're in the safe factory and not in the bank!" 179.) Darunia was at the local pub, when a mean looking pig with 2 big swords came inside and screamed: "Where's Link?" All quiet. Pig yelled again: "I said 'Where's Link?'!! If he doesn't come here this instant, I'll beat the goo out of all of you!!!" Darunia raised his hand. Pig grabbed him, dragged him out and crushed him. After 30 minutes people from the pub managed to revive Darunia. He commented: "Mwahaha! I sure fooled that stupid pig. I'm not even Link!" 180.) Link returned home from vacation in Germany. Zelda was curious: "Hey, since you were in Germany, do you know any german language?" "I think I do. In fact, pretty well!" "For example: How do you call your co-worker, working on the other machine, to come to your machine?" "That's easy. 'Komm hier!'" "And how do you tell him to go back to his machine?" "I step to his machine and say 'Komm hier!'" 181.) Link and Darunia were talking. Link: "What would you like more: to be stupid or to be bald?" Darunia: "Stupid. This is something not to be spotted right away." Link thought for a while and then said: "Wait a minute. You are stupid!" "See? You didn't spot it right away!" 182.) Ganondorf asked Darunia: "Hey! In which Zodiac sign were you born?" Darunia: "Gemini sign." "I thought so!" "You did? How?" "You're far too stupid for one Goron!" 183.) Link was enlisted in the army. One day when he was on a leave, he returned home to pay Zelda a visit. She asked: "What's your job in the army?" "I'm cleaning bombs." "Isn't this dangerous? What if a bomb goes BOOM?" "Zelda, Zelda, why would I worry about that? They aren't my bombs." 184.) Link and Darunia went parachuting. They both jumped from the plane, but Darunia was unlucky. His parachute didn't open, so he smeared himself over the floor. Pilot of the plane told Link: "You'll have to tell his relatives. But do it tactfully!" Link returned home. When the Gorons noticed he was coming alone, they anticipated the worse and started crying. Link: "No tragedy, folks. There was a huge haystack in the middle of the field." Everybody sighed in relief. Link: "Unfortunately there were also some posts, pointing up with their sharp ends." Everybody started crying again. Link: "But luckily Darunia, clumsy as he is, missed everything." Everybody sighed in relief. 185.) Zelda: "Link, have you seen my cat?" Link: "I... Uh... I... it died when I was giving it a bath." "You what? But I told you that cats hate water and that they might die cos of water!" "Nooo. It didn't die cos of the bath. It died later when I was wringing it to get out excessive water..." 186.) Link was driving a car. Zelda was in the car too. When they came to first crossroads, there was red light, but Link drove straight through the crossroads. Zelda: "Link! Haven't you noticed that there was a red light?" Link: "Dark Link would do that too!" Same story happened again for next crossroads. But when they came to third crossroads, there was a green light, but link stopped his car. Zelda: "And why did you stop now?" Link: "What if Dark Link drives by?" Note: This might be hard to understand, so let me explain. Link stopped his car on green light, which means there was a red light on the other road. Now, since both Link and Dark Link drive through red lights, imagine what would happen if Link drove through that green light... 187.) Darunia Jr. comes home really proud: "Hey dad. Today we were taking the alphabet test in school. I did the whole alphabet, while the others did it only to letter 'C'!" Darunia: "Very good. This is because you're a Goron." Next day: "Dad, dad! We were taking counting test today. I managed to count to 100, while the others counted to 10 only!" Darunia: "Very good. This is because you're a Goron." Next day: "Dad, dad! Today we were taking a stupidity test. All of my classmeates flunked, while I topped it! Is this because I'm a Goron?" Darunia: "No, son. This is because you're 25 years old." 188.) Link and Dark Link were enlisted to the army. One day Dark Link saw Link engraving something on a bullet. "Hey, Link! What are you doing?" "I'm engraving my name on that bullet." "Why?" "I heard that in a war there is a bullet for every person carrying that person's name." "So?" "Well, if I engrave my name on this bullet and keep it, I won't be hit by another bullet!" 189.) Ganondorf, Mido, Link and Darunia were sentenced to 20 years in prison. They all had a right to choose one thing that will help them shorten time in jail. Ganondorf chose liquor, Mido chose chocolates, Link chose Zelda and Darunia chose cigarettes... 20 years have passed. When they opened prisoners' cells, this is what they saw... Ganondorf was completely drunk. Mido gained over 200 kilos. Link lived happily ever after. Darunia stormed out of his cell screaming: "Light!! Does someone have a light?!?" 190.) Link was in charge of a local store. One day Zelda came to the store: "Do you have any padlocks?" "Nope, sorry." "What about any other type of locks?" "Nope again." "Then why is this store open?" "Cos we don't have any locks!" 191.) Link and Dark Link got a new job. They were supposed to place electric pillars. Each group consisted of 2 workers. Link and Dark Link were 5th and last group. After first working day was finished, the boss came to inspect the results. 1st group placed 10 pillars, 2nd 15, 3rd 12, 4th 16, Link and Dark Link placed 2 pillars. Cos of their first day at this kind kind of work, the boss decided to forgive them. Next day these were the results: 1st group 16 pillars, 2nd 11, 3rd 14, 4th 10, Link and Dark Link only 3. This time they were called to boss' office: "How come that the two of you placed so little pillars in comparison to other groups?" Link defended: "The other groups are cheaters. All of their's pillars are looking out of the earth, while we hammered ours all the way to the end!!" 192.) Link, Dark Link and Zelda were shipwrecked. They saved themselves on a nearby island. A golden fish swimmed nearby and decided to grant each of them one wish. Link: "I'd like to be home with my family!" Poof! and he was gone. Dark Link: "I'd like to be home with my family, too!" Poof! and he was gone. Zelda remained the last person on that lone island. She thought for a while and then said: "It's boring here. Bring back those two." 193.) Link opened a butchery. Zelda was his first customer: "Do you have a swine head?" Link: "Nope. I only look this way cos of my hair-do." 194.) Link and Dark Link each had a ranch. Ranches were cut apart only by a huge road between them. One day Link screamed: "Heeey, Dark, do your horses smoke?" Dark Link: "Nooo! Of course not, stupid." Link: "Then your stables are on fireee!" 195.) Darunia fell from a skyscraper and banged head-on on a pavement below. His 'AARRGGHH!' draw attention of many pedestrians. One of them asked: "What happened?" Darunia: "I don't know. I just got here..." 196.) Darunia, Mido and Ganondorf came up with a plan to steal some fruit from Zelda's garden, for Zelda's fruit grew incredibly large. Mido was first to attempt. He managed to steal the biggest plum, but was caught in the process by Zelda. She wanted to punish him, so she put him on a rack. She also stuck the plum in his bu**. But before she even finished, Mido was on his way to the Lost Woods. Darunia's target was the biggest apple. Zelda caught him too. She put him on the rack with that apple in his bu**. But in spite of all pains Darunia kept laughing louder and louder. Zelda finally asked: "Hey! How come that you're laughing when you're supposed to be begging for mercy?" Darunia: "Naturally I wouldn't laugh at the occasion like this, but I just saw Ganondorf with a watermelon..." 197.) The Imprisoning war dragged on even in Hyrule's winter. Firewood was a rare stuff to be found. It was even so rare that it wasn't to be found anywhere. One winter day Link and his buddies spotted a man with long hair and beard, carrying something on his back. He strongly resembled Jesus. When Link and buddies came closer, they notice that the man indeed is Jesus carrying a huge wooden cross on his back. Jesus said: "Yes, my children, I have returned!" Link, instead of welcoming him, attacked him: "Jesus, where did you get firewood?!" 198.) Darunia Jr. finished his first year in school. He was F-ed in all subjects, except for music. This one he A-ed. When Jr. informed his dad of his grades, Darunia slapped him: "Shame on you! So many F-s, and you sing???" 199.) During the Imprisoning war Link wandered from house to house to see if he could find anything that could still be useful. In one of the houses he found a lamp. "Alladin's lamp?" thought Link. He rubbed the lamp and a genie came out of it. "Greetings, master. I'm the genie of the lamp. Since you freed me, I will grant you a wish." "Hey, not fair! In fairy-tales it's three wishes!!" "It's war, my dear, so only one wish!! Now, make it snappy!" "I'm fed up of this war. I want you to look at map of Hyrule and arrange its lands so that everyone will be happy!" Genie took necessary equipment and started to draw, sweat, erase... After some more whining genie said: "This is not for me. I'm no politian. Any other wish maybe?" "Fine, if there's no other way... I have a girl-friend, Zelda. Nice, hard-working, but ugly. Can you do anything about that?" Genie looked at Zelda. After some thinking he said: "Link, where did you say you put those Hyrule plans?" 200.) Q: How do you occupy a stupid Goron? A: If you really wanna know, please check joke 100. 201.) Q: How did Link became lazy? A: Darunia told him: "Sit down! I have something to explain!" 202.) Darunia decided to use a train. "One return ticket please," Darunia said to ticket-seller. "Where to?" "What do you mean where to? Back here stupid!" 203.) Q: Why does Link wash his feet in Zepter dishes? A: That way he doesn't need any water. 204.) Link asks Darunia: "Hey there! Sitting and thinking, huh?" Darunia: "Nah. Only sitting..." 205.) Link and Dark Link were trying to get across the border on a 'safe side' during the Imprisoning war. Dark Link: "Link, what's that racket in your bag?" Link: "Zelda's denture." "What? What use will you have with that?" "Well, I can't let Zelda to eat all Red Cross' rations, while I am away from home..." 206.) Link jumped in a local bus and stuttered: "O-o-one c-c-card, p-p-please." Conducter replied: "F-f-fifty r-r-rupees." Few minutes later Ganondorf entered the bus and said: "How much for the card?" "Fifty rupees." Link heard that, stormed his way to the conducter and fumed: "H-h-hey y-y-you? Are y-y-you p-p-pulling m-m-my l-l-leg?" Conducter: "N-n-no. H-h-his!" 207.) During the Imprisoning war Link and Ganondorf became friends. They found a pig and killed it. Ganondorf said: "We shall divide this pig like brothers." "Yeah right! You get one half, and I get the other half!" 208.) One day during the Imprisoning war Link got the duty of distributing the lunch among his co-warriors: "Ok, I have a good and a bad news. Bad news first: We don't have anything except for worms. And good news: There's not enough for everybody." 209.) Link is angry: "Zelda? You call this food? Where did you get the recipe, anyway?" Zelda: "On the TV." "You bozo! I told you that our TV is rotten." 210.) Ganondorf needed to have his appendix operated. When he got to the hospital, doctor saw that the situation is serious, so he commanded: "Nurse! My instruments, and fast!!" Ganondorf: "You really are an idiot, doc! I'm dying and you want to listen to music??" 211.) Dark Link was injured into his left leg during the Imprisoning war. He was driven to Red Cross to be treated by the best doctors. When they tried to operate him, he said: "No-one will operate me, 'cept for my friend Link." Red Cross tried to find Link. When they succeeded, they brought Link to the hospital where Dark Link resided. Link opened his first aid kit, did everything necessary around Dark Link's leg and then took a small axe and chopped both of Dark Link's arms off. One of doctors: "Are you nuts? He's your friend!!" Link: "You don't know him... He'd be sticking his hands on his leg's wound for so long until the wound got infected..." 212.) A quiz. Three guests introduced themselves. Quiz leader said: "Person A, please identify!" "I'm Bill Clinton, president of USA." "Person B, please identify!" "I'm Bill Clinton, president of USA." "Person C, please identify!" "I'm Bill Clinton, president of USA." Quiz leader: "Now we can really get started. First competitor, please begin! First competitor: "Person A, where are you from?" "Goron City!" 213.) Darunia came to local pharmacy and inquired: "Do you have any other cures for the head, except for sledge hammers?" 214.) Darunia Jr. in first class of high school. Teacher asked him: "Jr. What can we get from geese?" Jr. thought for a while and shot: "Tripes!" "No. Listen, do you know what a goose is?" "Yes." "And what do we get from a goose?" "Tripes!" "Jr. Do you have a house?" "No." "Then where do yoo live?" "Oh yeah. I have a house." "Do you have your own room?" "No." "Where do you sleep then? In kitchen?" "Oh yeah. I have a room." "Do you have a bed in that room?" "No." "Where do you sleep then? On the floor?" "Oh yeah. I have a bed." "Do you have a pillow on that bed?" "No." "Where do you keep your head when sleeping then? "Oh yeah. I have a pillow." "Sooo... With what is this pillow stuffed?" "Weeell... with feathers!" "Sooo, what do we get from a goose then?" "Tripes!" 215.) Link and Dark Link went to the movies. One of the main stars was driving a bicycle. Link said: "Dark, look. This idiot will now crash into a tree and fall." "No he won't." "He will." "Will not." "Ok, I bet you 100 rupess he will." So they bet 100 rupees. Lucky for Link, main star did crash into a tree and fall, thus making Link 100 rupees richer. They both went home after that. Link is proud: "Hey Zelda! I made 100 rupees. I bet with Dark and won, for I saw that movie yesterday." "Link, you bastard. You cheated your best friend. Go back, say you're sorry and return him the money." Link did as instructed. He confessed everything, but Dark said: "Nooo, keep the money. I saw the movie two days ago, but I thought that idiot would remember now where that tree is waiting for him!" 216.) Link and Dark are sitting in a local pub drinking a coffee. Dark started: "Link, friend, I ask you what will happen in the summer..." "What else? Zelda will want to have another honey-moon, Mido will get lost again..." "No, Link, I didn't mean that. I ask you, what will happen in the summer..." "I'm telling you!! Inflation, low salaries, Zelda moaning that I don't earn enough..." "Will you let me finish?!? What on Hyrule will happen in the summer, considering that your feet are smelling really bad already???" 217.) Link and Dark were traveling by a train. They were sitting in the same wagon. Suddenly Link pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and tried to light it. Dark immediately jumped in, took Link's cigarette out of his mouth and threw through the window. Link: "Hey! What gives?" "You aren't allowed to smoke here!" "I haven't even started!" "You aren't allowed even preparing to smoke!" A little later Dark decided to read today's newspaper. Before he even started, his newspaper was thrown through the window by Link. Dark: "Hey! What gives?" "You aren't allowed to sh** here!" "But I didn't!!" "You aren't allowed even preparing to sh**!" 218.) Link and Zelda moved to town. Zelda lived in a skyscraper. Link lived in another skyscraper across the street. One day Zelda wanted to invite Link over for a cup of coffee. She went on the balcony and screamed: "Liiiink!" "Whaaaaat?" "Come over for a visit. I'll make us some nice coffee." And Link came for a coffee. Next day story repeated, only this time one of the neighbours snapped in: "Hey! Why are you screaming?" Zelda: "But I'm only inviting my friend over." "Use the phone then!!" And so Zelda noticed she had a phone. On third day Zelda screamed from her balcony: "Liiiink!" "Whaaaat?" "Go to your phone, so that I will invite you over for a coffeeeee!" 219.) Link was graduaiting. He just had to pass math exam. Professor asked him first question. Link shrugged. The same think happened with second and third question. Prof. then fumed: "Is there anything you actually know?" "Of course. I can bang a nail into the wall with my head!" replied Link. "Oh yeah? Stipid. But if you can do it, I'll give you D as a passing grade." Link grabbed a nail and banged it into the wall with a first head-strike. Prof. commented: "Congrats. Ok, you got a D." In that moment the nail is banged out of the wall and sent flying through a window. "What is this??" asked prof. "Oh, nothing to worry about. My friend Zelda is doing physics exam in next room," explained Link. 220.) Link was traveling by a train. Having nothing better to do, he bet with other passengers that he will bang 10cm long nail with his head into the wagon's wall for 100 rupees. Of course he succeeded. "Bravo," commented one of the passengers. "I bet 200 rupees that you will fail banging 15cm long nail into the wall." Link succeeded again. He was now richer for 300 rupees already. "Interesting," said the same passenger. "I bet 500 rupees that you will fail banging 20cm long nail into the wall." Link grabbed 20cm nail and banged it, but the nail only got 15 centimeters deep into the wall. Link was surprised. He tried again, but to no avail. "Aha, I get it!" said Link and with these words he disappeared for a while. When he came back, he took another bang on that nail and this time nail took the full length inside the wall. Passenger payed link 500 rupess and asked: "What was the problem?" "I asked Zelda, who was in next wagon, to move her head away from the wall." 221.) Zelda sees Link with plasters over his ears, so she inquires: "What happened to you?" "I... uh... Well, I was ironing my shirt, when the phone rang..." "Ah well, it happens. But what happened to the other ear?" "Well, I then tried to call 911..." 222.) Link and Dark meet in a local pub. But Link is without left arm and has a plaster over his left eye. Dark asks: "What happened to you?!" Link replies: "I... uh... Well, I bet with Zelda for my left eye, that I am unable to tear my left arm off all by myself..." 223.) One day Link had to had his eyes checked, so he went to see an oculist. After the check was finished, he got charged 500 rupees. He refused to pay, but when threatened prison, he payed. He then visited Dark: "Hey, buddy. I was thinking... How about if we open up our own pharmacy?" "Sure, why not." And so the story began. Soon Link and Dark were really rich. But this 'richie rich' thing draw attention of local doctors' syndycate, so they decided to send one of their doctors to inspect the situation in the pharmacy. When that doctor visited pharmacy, he moaned: "Something is wrong with my taste." Link screamed: "Daaark. Cure nr. 7, please." Dark brought the requested. They told the doc to taste it immediately. The doc did so, but only to spit the cure out in disgust: "What are you, nuts? This is cr**!" "Of course it is! Everything's ok with your taste. 500 rupees, please!" Doc payed, but of course also reported his findings. Syndicate decided to send another doc. This doc said: "Something's wrong with my memory." "Daaark! Cure nr. 7, please!" Doc said: "Hey wait! This is cr**!" "Of course it is! Everything's ok with your memory. 500 rupees, please!" 224.) Link got a job at the fire brigade. One day Zelda's house was on fire. When the fire brigade came on scene of fire, Zelda was screaming: "My child will roast!" Link breaked into the house and soon came back, coughing. "My child will roast!" Link got back into the house, waited a little and again came back out, coughing. Zelda is persistent: "My child will roast!" Link got back inside again, waited a little, got back outside and finally said: "No he won't! I turned him over three times already..." 225.) Dark lost one arm in the Imprisoning war. Fed up with life he decided to hang himself. In that moment he spotted Link, who lost bith arms, dancing along the road. Link asked: "Why do you want to hang yourself?" "How can I live witout my arm? But you... Why are you dancing?" "Dark, if you'd lost both your arms and you'd be having your a** itching really bad, you'd be dancing like that too!" 226.) There is a water closet in middle of a battle field with a sign saying: 'Even the bravest have shi**** here!" 227.) Goron dog is lying and gnawing a bone. When it got up, it had only 3 legs left. 228.) Q: Why do Goron dogs have flat muzzles? A: Cos they're running after parked cars. 229.) Q: When was the most fatal day for Goron rase? A: The day they got electricity. They were so happy that they started to kiss electric wires. 230.) Link came to a surgeon and asked: "Can you implant a nail in my head, but in such way that 1cm of that nail will stick out." "What? Are you nuts?" "Can it be done or not??" "Well yes, but..." "Do it!" And so Link got a nail in his head. After the operation the surgeon asked Link: "Would you mind telling me why that nail?" "Not at all. You see, Zelda wants to cut my hair and I want her scissors to break." 231.) Darunia was crossing railway tracks, but he wasn't careful enough. He got struck by a train. One year later he got from 'spital. Later one day he went to pick up Jr. to a local kindergarten. When he entered the room where his son was, he spotted a little chu-chu train on the floor. Blind with rage, he jumped and jumped on that small train until it was eradicated. When asked why, he said: "You gotta finish these bastards, when they're still small!" 232.) Q: When was the 2nd most fatal day for Goron rase A: The day they were eating egg-yolks from Kinder Surprise... 233.) Q: Why does Darunia carry beech-tree leaf in his pocket? A: This is his personal ID. 234.) Ganondorf's driver accidentally drove over domestic swi**. Ganondorf said: "Listen, you go over to that pub and ask, who's swine that was. I'd rather not leave the car cos of... well, you know..." Driver did as instructed. He entered the pub and started: "I'm Ganondorf's driver..." The pub immediately turned quiet in anticipation. Driver cautiously continued: "The swi** is dead..." "HOORAY!" cheered the pub's public. 235.) Q: ------------------------------------ What's this? A: Land of Hyrule in a profile. (After Ganondorf obtained the Power Triforce) 236.) Zelda bought herself an aquarium and some fish to go along. Link seeing how happy Zelda was having a pet, decided to do something similar. So he went and bought himself a small skunk. When he told that to Zelda, she shrieked: "What? A skunk? Are you nuts? Where is it, anyway?" "In my boot." "In your boot? Oh well... does it stink?" "Of course it stinks, but don't worry, it'll get used to it..." 237.) Link, Ganondorf and Darunia were having 100m race. What were the results? Link got tired after 50 meters. Ganondorf got into arguments with spectators. Darunia got lost in the middle of the race. 238.) Link and Dark bought a bird-catcher (breed of dog). They went hunting, but didn't catch a thing. When they later return home exhausted, Link commented: "We got ripped off. This dog is not a bird-catcher. Or maybe we aren't throwing it up far enough!" 239.) Zelda got twins. Link decided to name both twins Ganon. Zelda fumed: "Why did you give name Ganon both kids, stupid?" "Each time I yell 'Ganon, bring me a beer!', there will be two bottles right away in front of me." 240.) Link asked Darunia: "Would you rather be handsome or stupid?" "Stupid." "???" "Beauty is transitory..." 241.) Q: How does Darunia torture a fly? A: He cathces it under an empty glass. Then he brings some cr** and starts eating it in front of the fly. 242.) Link got a job as a painter. His first job to paint 5km long fence... so he got to work. First day he painted 1km of the fence. Boss was very pleased. Second day Link painted 500m of the fence. Boss was not so pleased. Third day Link painted only 200m of the fence. Boss was angry now: "Hey Link, what gives? What's wrong with you lately? Only 200m today?" "Well, boss, if you just knew how far was my paint can third day..." 243.) Darunia caught a gold-fish. It said: "Let me go and I will grant you 3 wishes." "Really? Which ones?" 244.) A commander in charge of Hyrule army sent Dark and Link onto reconnaissance mission: "Look for the enemy carefully. For each enemy you catch, I will award you with 100 rupees." "Great! Let's go, Dark!" They searched, but nothing. When the night dropped its wings, they decided to take a break. Next morning Link was first to wake up. He saw Moblin encampment all around him. He woke up Dark: "Hey, Dark, get up! We're rich!" 245.) "Link! Why is your face covered with plasters?" asked Zelda. "I was learning how to use forks..." 246.) Q: Why does Link have his initials tatooed on his hands? A: Only this way he can have a handkerchief with a monogram. 247.) One day Darunia threw himself against the floor. And missed. 248.) Q: Why does cutting your hair cost 4 rupees in Hyrule? A: 1 rupee per one side of the head. 249.) Link was carrying two cuccoos in his bag. He ran into Darunia: "Hello, Darunia. If you guess, that I'm carrying two cuccoos in my bag, you'll get them both... So, how many cuccoos do I carry?" "Five," replied Darunia. 250.) Link saw Ganondorf riding a pig. Link said: "You, you are looking really weird with that..." Pig interrupted: "I know." 251.) Dark: "Hey, Link! Would you mind climbing to my roof using the light beam from my battery-light?" "Yeah right! I know your game. When I will be half-way, you'll turn your battery-light off!" 252.) Famous Hyrule lawyer Darunia is screaming at head-witness in court of justice: "Do you know the punishment for lying? Few minutes ago you were under oath and you sweared that you have only one brother. Yet now your sister said that she has two brothers!! Now what is the truth and what is the lie?" 253.) Darunia bought a train ticket, strolled towards the train he was supposed to be on, had his ticket checked and went back the way he came, when he was spotted by ticket seller: "Hey! Weren't you the one who passed here two minutes ago boarding a train? What are you doing back here? You couldn't be back already!!" "Why not? I had a return-ticket..." 254.) Darunia was wacthing a replay of a football match. He bet with his friends for 100 rupees that Darunia's team would win. And Darunia lost that bet... 255.) Q: Link always eats his soup with Dark as a company. Why? A: Somebody has to hold his hands under the fork to catch the soup... 256.) Link and Zelda are having fun time in a boat on Lake Hylia, when a motor boat drives nearby, causing Link's boat to 'catch' serious amount of water. Zelda: "Let's quickly throw the water out!" "Nah, that's too much work. Let's drill a hole in the boat instead, and water will go out all by itself..." This causes more water to come in the boat. Link: "Hm, maybe we need to drill another hole. You know... through one hole inside, through another hole outside..." 257.) Q: How do we know, when Link was happy when riding Epona? A: There's a huge amount of insects in-between his teeth... 258.) Darunia was traveling incognito. When he came to the local hotel, he signed the guestbook with an X. After some more thinking he added a circle around that X. Manager: "Lots of our guests sign with an X. But I have never seen before that somebody would sign himself with a circled X." Darunia: "Whenever I'm traveling incognito, I never use my real real name for a signature..." 259.) Q: Why do we need 5 Gorons to make a popcorn? A: One of them is holding the pan, while the other four are shaking the stove. 260.) Q: Why do we need 4 Gorons to execute kidnapping? A: One of them kidnaps the victim, while the other 3 are writing blackmail letter. 261.) Q: Darunia has notably higher shoulders and a flat head. Why? A: When you ask him a question, he shrugs. When you tell him that question's answer, he blows his head once, for the answer was really simple... 262.) International Health Committee just found out that Goron City has the lowest level of brain-related errors in the whole world... I wonder why... 263.) "Hey, you... how come that the Temple of Time is so full of people?" asks somebody. "Link just came in and is in the middle of confessing his sins..." is the answer. 264.) Q: What do we get, if we cross Darunia and a monkey? A: Mentally hurt monkey. 265.) Darunia ran out of ice cubes for the drinks at his birthday party. Why didn't he make new ones? Cos he lost the recipe... 266.) Only in Goron City a parked car can hit Darunia's dog. 267.) Q: Darunia wanted to draw his family tree. But... what did he get instead? A: A bunch of bananas. 268.) Link steps in the local store and starts 'examining' his nose. Seller: "Can I help you?" Link: "No. I can do this by myself." 269.) Dark: "I broke my arm in three different places!" Link: "Then don't go there in the future!" 270.) Q: Why is Link eating so many beans on Friday evening? A: To have a bubble-bath on Saturday morning. 271.) Q: What is a definition for a gourme with an appetite? A: Link running after the trash-truck... 272.) Dark: "Link, did you know that Mars and Venus have the same Sun?" Link: "No! I didn't even know they are married!" 273.) Did you hear about new patent of Goron parachute? It opens on impact. 274.) Dark is begging for rupees. He runs into Link and asks: "Friend. A rupee for a sandwich?" Link: "Hmm. Maybe. But I'd like to see that sandwich first." 275.) Q: What can we find in Link's nose? A: His fingerprints. 276.) Q: How do you get Link out of the bath? A: Throw a piece of soap in the bath. 277.) Darunia tried to rob a bank. He tied up the safe and blew up the guard. 278.) Link and Dark went fishing on Lake Hylia during winter. They caught 100 kilos of ice and then drowned, when they tried to barbecue it... 279.) Darunia was 100% sure that a top-less restaurant is a restaurant with no roof... 280.) Q: How many Gorons do we need to rob a bank? A: Five. One is holding the gun, one grabs the loot, and the other three are pushing the getaway car. 281.) Q: Why did Darunia go insane when they told him to draw a circle? A: Cos he didn't know where to start... 282.) Q: Why do you need 2 Gorons to steal car's gasoline? A: One is stealing gasoline, and the other is holding a lit match to see... 283.) Q: Why does Darunia carry around two cuccoos, wherever he goes? A: These two cuccoos are his spare parts. 284.) Dark: "Hey, Link! How did you break your arm?" Link: "I fell from tree." "How deep did you fall?" "All the way to the ground." 285.) There's a sign on the archery range in Goron City: 'We kindly ask visitors not to cross archery range during our rehearsals!' 286.) Q: When did entire Goron hockey team drown? A: During sommer training on Lake Hylia. 287.) Darunia got arrested and taken to jail. He was allowed one phone call. He used that phone call to call on information... 288.) Darunia has already used all sorts of excuses for not going to work. So he called his boss next day and told the boss, that he died... 289.) Ganondorf, Link and Zelda were sentenced to death by shooting. First one to be executed was Link. As the firing squad got ready to fire, Link screamed: "An earthquake!" They all seeked hiding and Link escaped. When it was Zelda's turn, she screamed: "A flood!" Again they searched hiding thus allowing Zelda to escape. And when it was Ganondorf's turn, he screamed: "Fire!" 290.) Q: Why did Zelda fall through the window? A: She was ironing the curtains... 291.) Link returned from the Imprisoning war without both arms. Local community asked him to spill his beans. Link started: "Well, here's how happened... My superior officer gave me a hand grenade and said 'On five!'. So I arm the bomb, but then I saw it was only half four..." 292.) Q: There is over 1000 Goron paratroopers in the air. How dow we call such a phenomena? A: Air pollution. 293.) Q: What did Darunia do, when he bought himself waterskis? A: He tried to find a lake with a slope... 294.) Link: "Darunia! Mind if I join you?" Darunia: "Why? Am I falling apart?" 295.) Link: "Zelda, would you like to see where they operated my appendix?" Zelda: "No! I hate 'spitals!" 296.) Darunia hijacked a submarine. He demanded 200000 rupees and 1 parachute... 297.) Darunia Jr. hijacked an airplane. He demanded 200000 parachutes and 1 rupee... 298.) Darunia took his son to a shrink: "Doc, my son thinks he's a cuccoo!" "I see! Can you tell me how long he thinks that?" "I... uh... For 5 years, I guess..." "What? 5 years? Why didn't you seek medical assistance right away?!" Darunia bowes his head: "But if we needed that eggs..." 299.) Link and Dark are on visit in Lost Woods. On their walk around the city they saw a restaurant with a sign saying: 'LUNCH --> every day from 10am - 3pm <-- 500 rupees' Link: "Hey, let's stop here. Not bad, eh? For 500 rupees we can eat nonstop for 5 whole hours..." 300.) Did you hear that Darunia used to throw firecrakers into crowds of people when he was young, spoiled brat? Well, these people lighted the firecrackers and threw them back...