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It's not everyday you get invited to interview Nintendo Co LTD.'s god-aged president Hiroshi Yamauchi, and today wasn't one of those days either so I broke into his office. After threatening to cut me up with his katana and serve me to his senior staff as sushi I menaged to force feed him some... err.. persuade him to give me an interview.    

HTLOZ: So Mr. Yamauchi, what do you think of the way videogames are headed?    

Yamauchi: I've said it thousands of times before, games should be fun. I said to my pet dog Uji this morning "Uji, if I ever encourage anyone to make games look good over fun, I want you to drag me outside and bury me". True Story.   Another thing, somtimes I go to developers and ask them why they look forward to my Gamecube so much, and they say "It's going to have good graphics!" and I say " games are about fun" then they say "you're wrong" then I say "NO, YOU'RE WRONG!" then they say "**** YOU!" then I say "COME H.... [edited- babbles on]  

HTLOZ: Will Square ever make another Nintendo game?  

Y: Over my dead body!    

HTLOZ: So, no then?    

Y: They couldn't make a proper game if I helped them make it! Well, actually I can help anyone make a game, I'm amazing, but still they make bad games! They all look like movies, If I want to watch movies I'll buy a Playstation 2! Oh wait, I see your point.    

HTLOZ: What do you think of the Playstation 2?    

Y: As a DVD player, it's great. Don't get me wrong, I like nothing better than to snuggle up with a bag of money and watch NCL servailance tapes on a PS2, but it has bad games! BAD BAD BAD! It costs so much to develop for! No wonder they make movies! Hahahaha! hahaha! hahahaha! hahahahahaha! MAWAHAHAHAHA!   Ahem, and why is it black? It should be green or yellow, not booring black! How am I supposed to find it in a dark room without my headlight goggles?  

HTLOZ: Indeed. What do you think of XBOX?    

Y: Weak Americans are not good enough to make games. I laugh at Microsoft every day, you should hear the Jokes Mr. Miyamoto comes up with! Hey, what is totally inferior and 45% less efficiant than Nintendo? Pathetic Microsoft Corp.! Ho ho ho!  

HTLOZ: I don't think i'm alowed to print that using Microsoft's web browser...    

Y: Go ahead! Microsoft couldn't win a lawsuit if Jesus was their lawyer! Ha ha ha!    

HTLOZ: So you think Bill Gates does a worse job than you?    

Y: Less attractive too.    

HTLOZ: Moving on, What is your favourite Nintendo game?    

Y: I enjoy any game where weak inferior beings are destroyed by much more efficient fast working ones. One example is Duck Hunt, weak pathetic ducks are shot out of the sky by a human who can eat 63% more seed in the space of 2 minuites. Pathetic animals, kill them all.  

HTLOZ: Tell us what things you enjoy...    

Y: I enjoy nothing more than opening my office window as far as I can, and laughing really loud so that the people in the Sony building accross the street can hear me. We close our blinds 18% faster too.    

HTLOZ: I must bring this interview to a close, I must get to a doctor about these Katana wounds.    

Y: you're a weak man.     

Miyamoto: Did someone mention Bill Gates?    

Y: Ho ho ho! You kill me Miyamoto! Now get back to work!  

M: Sorry sir.    

Y: And you! Get out of my office! You're taking up valuable time in which I could be pointing and laughing at my programmers!

HTLOZ: Thankyou for your time.    

Y: Up yours.    

HTLOZ: Take that back!    

Y: Yo momma!  

[Matrix like fight scene begins]    

"Yamauchi against the Xbox"

"Interview" by Espio
Picture by Falco-X

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